What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 11:24
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
What are some funny and smart quotes?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was scared of men, in general
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
What are some ballbusting stories?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Who are some good social skills therapists in Pompano Beach, Florida?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My family never makes their pension either.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
How conservative the Japanese people really is? And the government?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Especially a lifetime of it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
How does an experienced gay/bi guy handle a bi-courius guy on his first time?
He resisted the act ,that day.
This is soul school!.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As a Chinese, what disgusts you about the Chinese society today?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why doesn’t the UK change their flag?
But ive been too sick for many years..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
How do you find out who your handler is as a targeted individual?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She was in good health!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why are there so many girls and not enough boys to follow?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I don,t even have a pension.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
What did someone say to you that instantly made you realize their life was in danger?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im still living with it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why is my ex still keeping in touch with me even though she dumped me?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We were not on the streets..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She loved him until the end.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Comes on , in middle age.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I waited trembling.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We all went to grammer schools
(And it was in our own minds.)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She married twice! .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Was to survive, this bastard.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
It was going to be , some day.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was very sick at this time too.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Who then, do I blame.?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Would this be the day?
When she asked me how she looked .
She wouldn,t have been !
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Ive learnt so much.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But, we were locked up after school.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As i do to all so called friends.?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Why did i forgive my father ?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My life is so biszare .
He knew the spot.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I write beautiful poetry .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was 9 years of age.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I think the readers, may guess!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
So whats the point in blame.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
All the time i was locked up.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I have no regrets .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And i lived it daily.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was seconnd youngest,
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I will be 64.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Put me off passion for life!!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She found it foreign!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So, i spoilt her more .
One cannot live in the past .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I said to her
But it wasn’t much.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
What did i know ?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.